Look at this:
“Selfish is not realizing that people communicate in different ways. You assume that my reasoning for it is because I want to avoid the situation — which is not the truth. As I’ve said before, I naturally assume that I’m going to remain friends with an ex unless it proves to be impossible (and in the case of my ex-wife, I STILL maintain a friendship with her even though she’s a manipulative, liar).
I just know that all my life, I’ve been doing things the way you’re “supposed” to do it, all because people are stuck on some convention that we’ve made up. It’s not OBJECTIVELY better to communicate face to face. That’s something we’ve made up. And it’s hilarious because most people are actually NOT verbal communicators. Most people are visual and/or kinesthetic communicators.
See, I would much rather write my feelings down and let her read them, and THEN meet for coffee and discuss it. But I know there’s absolutely no way that would or could ever happen. So, I’ve done it the “acceptable” way in the past…stumbling over my words trying to talk about my feelings, only to have them miscommunicated and create arguments. Granted, this past year has helped me to strengthen my verbal communication quite a bit (and I must do really well with it because I’m getting awesome feedback from teachers and students about my teaching), but I STILL prefer to communicate in text-based forms of communication. And it has nothing to do with being a coward or afraid or any of that. And it has EVERYTHING to do with the fact that I’m a visual and tactile communicator, and that when someone is TALKING to me, I don’t hear everything they say because my brain isn’t always fast enough to process verbal communication. I’m always asking people to repeat themselves when they talk to me for this reason (which annoys the heck out of them). That problem goes away with text communication.
To be honest, I only wish I had known all this stuff about myself before I got married, because I would’ve done a whole hell of a lot of things differently. I spent 6 years in a relationship where I hardly ever engaged in written communication with my wife. And because of that, there are MANY things we discussed that got miscommunicated on my part because of that.
But you assume that my reasoning is to avoid the person. When the truth is, I’ve maintained friendships with all my exes to varying degrees (even the one that everybody continually told me was insane). It would be cowardly for me to breakup so that I could avoid the person. But I never break up to do that. When I break up with someone, I wholeheartedly expect to remain in contact with them in varying degrees.”
And that’s why you’re crazy!